Yes, I am Still Alive

It occurred to me today that I haven't written in almost 2 months -_-"  To answer the question that everyone is probably wondering, YES, I am still alive.  I've just been busy finishing AP Stats, trying to get caught up in AP Macro and Micro, taking AP tests, etc.

More importantly, I've also been thinking about my life in general.  Getting rejected from all my top colleges has kind of put a damper on, well, just about everything.  My original plan went something like this:
1. Go to Wellesley or Smith
2. Do a double major in English and East Asian Studies
3. Go to Ivy League graduate school, where I will earn my PhD in English
4. Become an English professor at an Ivy League school

No, I do not have a backup plan.  And yes, I do know about the high unemployment that English professors have.  My original plan kind of consisted of, "I'm going to cross my fingers and hope for the best, and I'm absolutely certain that everything will work out exactly as planned!"

Getting rejected from all the colleges I wanted to go to has kind of been a hard slap from reality.  Yeah, great plan, but what if I can't get a job as an English professor?  Then what?  Short of being a professor, writer (and let's face it, it's not like that will be a steady job until I get published and start making money, which can take YEARS), publisher, or editor, there's really nothing out there for me.  Also, I absolutely hate editing people's work, so I don't think I could handle those last two jobs.  Not only are jobs rather limited (obviously I am considering jobs related to my major; I don't particularly want to end up as one of people who major in English and then get a job as a yogurt server), but 8+ years of school is kind of a long time (and a lot of debt!) when you're going on a leap of faith.

So now I really have no idea what I'm going to do.  Personally, I find it ridiculous to go to someplace that I have no interest in going to when I have no idea what I want to major in anyway.  Basically, now I don't even know if I'm GOING to Earlham!

And if I don't go, I have a whole slew of OTHER problems that appear!  Okay, so I take a gap year...now what?  I have no money to travel.  I've already applied for over 100 jobs in the past year, only managing to get one interview (and I didn't even get that job -_-").  Internships are super competitive, and I don't really have the most appealing resume.  So what am I supposed to do for a whole year?  And what if I don't get accepted at ANY college next year?

I'm trying to brainstorm, but so far my top ideas consist of either (a) joining the Air Force or (b) running away to Louisiana where I change my name and start a new life for myself.  Ironically the second idea is probably the most appealing, yet in reality it solves none of my problems whatsoever (if anything it creates more).

...I'm beginning to understand why my boyfriend sank into a deep depression after he graduated.  Thankfully, even though I spend nearly every waking moment thinking about this and worrying about it, I'm at least managing to stay somewhat optimistic.

It'd be great if I could try out a whole slew of jobs over the next year.  Particularly I'd like to try out fashion design.  Yes, I know it's pretty rare to become a big star fashion designer.  On the bright side, 70% of people who major in fashion design are employed full-time, and all the career options seem considerably more appealing than the career options from English.  On the even brighter side, I won't be going to school for an extra 4+ years after my bachelor's degree, so YAY less loans to pay back!

Ideally I'd like to have a job where I could use creativity, do a minimal amount of math and science, and get paid lots of money!  If you have any ideas about jobs like that, please post them under the comments.