"What Song Describes You and Why?"

This is one of my many, many essay supplement prompts.  I have no idea what to write, but right now I'm burnt out and feel like being funny so here's a blog post about it.

Gangnam Style (Psy): Because I can do also do a cool dance and plan on becoming rich and popular in the very near future!

Charlene, I'm Right Behind You (Stephen Colbert): It expresses my UNDYING LOVE for your college.

Devil in Disguise (Elvis): Oh yeah, I look nice on my college application, but you have no idea what I'm REALLY like >:) 

I Can Take Off My Panties! (Kagamine Rin): LOL, I wonder how the college would react if I put this down.

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The Problem with Deadlines

When it comes to deadlines, there are two main problems:
1. I procrastinate
2. I forget

I'm currently experiencing the second problem.

Actually, at first it was the first problem, but somehow it developed into the second.

Exactly how did this happen?  Well, for starters, I wasn't sure whether or not I was applying to Kalamazoo because it was unclear if they had a drawing specialization.  In fact, for the majority of the month, I was too lazy to even send an email.  In my defense, I'm typically I'm not this lazy.  I was being so because my to-do list for this month is absolutely crazy.  Within the next six weeks, I need to write 18 essays, finish my art portfolio, get a recommendation letter for my art portfolio, write statements of interest, get interviews done, email about interviews so I can get them done, inquire about application fee waivers, follow up on questions I had emailed colleges...and that was just the beginning.  There was also email to be sorted, laundry to be washed, appointments to be rescheduled...

Just looking at it made me feel worn out.  What was I, Superwoman?  So in conclusion, I felt too overwhelmed to do any of it and spent the majority of time goofing off -_-"  Getting a minor case of the flu, then a stomach bug, also encouraged this.

By Wednesday, I realized the month was almost halfway over and decided that it might be a good idea to start working on some things.  And suddenly BOOM!  I WAS SUCCESSFUL!  By some total miracle I managed to complete almost half my to-do list.  Was it pure motivation?  The 4th medication the doctor tried me on for focus issues?  Divine intervention?  Honestly, who cared!  It was DONE!!!!!

On Thursday I managed to accomplish a few more things.  And by Friday I thought, "Wow, I've been so productive lately, I'm going to take today off!"  Then I spent the entire day drawing and playing Just Dance 2.

Big mistake, because I neglected to fully read my emails.  Meaning I missed the one about the drawing specialiazation, which I didn't really look at until today.  Technically speaking I could do one, so yay!  The required supplemental essays were on my checklist, so no problem there.

Know what wasn't on my checklist?

The art portfolio deadline for Kalamazoo.

So it wasn't until I looked at the website today that I realized the deadline in November 20th.  Now I'm trying really, really hard to complete everything, which is difficult because a lot of stuff isn't done yet.  Yes, even though I spent a good portion of yesterday drawing, that was all "fun" stuff, not "art portfolio" stuff.  Obviously I can't send colleges something like, "I was working so hard on your application that I thought my brain would explode!  Here's a graphic comic strip I did on it!"

Yeah, I'm sure that would roll over really well with admissions. <--being sarcastic

*Sigh* I bet this is how mangaka feel.  Except they have an advantage over me, because they can draw really well and also have assistants.  Lucky.

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Mental Karoshi

Obviously my brain has never really exploded, but only because I take a break once I start getting irritated and fidgety.  Typically I have a killer headache by then.  If I kept working past that point, I'm sure this would totally happen!

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Cherry Pie: The Answer to All of Life's Miseries

I originally drew this about a week after Ex-BF moved.  I was finally able to finish it once I got my Copic multiliners.  Please don't be too hard on me; this is the first thing I drew with Copic multiliners.

A bit of background on this: the last time I had cherry pie was July 4th, 2008.  Ex-BF spent that entire day at my house.  When he came over, my mom was making homemade cherry pie and had red stains all underneath her fingernails.  She jokingly told him that she had just killed someone; unfortunately, Ex-BF doesn't get jokes, so my mom freaked him out lol.  Every time I see, eat, or think of cherry pie, this is the first thing that comes to mind.

Anyway, after Ex-BF moved, I was incredibly depressed.  One night I went grocery shopping with my mom in hopes of getting my mind off it.  As luck would have it, cherry pies were on display in the bakery section.

That's right, during an impulsive act of misery, I decided that's buying and and trying to eat an entire cherry pie in one sitting would someone magically cure my sadness.  And it did...because it turns out that it's difficult to cry while simultaneously trying not to hurl everywhere, lol.

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ACT Scores: I am a FREAKING GENIUS

Ohhhh my god, I just got my ACT scores back.

35 in English.

*Screams and jumps up and down while shaking hands* Oh my GAWD I am so freaking AWESOME!!!!!!!  I've never scored that high before, not even on a practice test!  I'm totally psyched right now.  It is safe to say that I am a total genius ^^

Typically I don't score too well on Reading because I zone out.  This time I got a 31, beating my personal best of 27 and my previous score of 24 (this was my third time taking the ACT).

Math, of course, I did terribly on and only got a 23.
1st time: 19
2nd time: 25 

I did REALLY bad in Science (19) because the stupid proctor chipped us out of 5 minutes :P  I filed a complaint along with some other people, but hey, there's NO WAY IN HELL I'd forsake that English score to retake!
1st time: 26
2nd time: 21

This leaves me with a Composite Score of 27 this time, which is really only one point better than my previous scores of 26.  However, please note that it's only because of science that my score didn't improve more.  (Damn science...superscored I have a CS of 29.)

I'll be submitting these ACT scores and the ones from my first time to colleges (second time I was having a terrible day, mentally, and fizzled out after the math portion).  My first scores will show the admissions office that I'm not an idiot when it comes to science.  It will also show my improvement, making my geniusness all the more concrete ^^

Btw, I believe only 1% of people score 34 or higher on any portion of the ACT.  So since I got a 35, this would mean that less than 1% of people scored at or higher than me.

Yes, yes, I know some people get a 35 Composite Score.  Still, I've never been the best at, well, anything.  Now I'm suddenly part of an elite group of English 1 percent-ers!

I feel happy ^^

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The Red String of Fate

I've never believed in soul mates.

To be perfectly honest, I don't really believe in "love" either.  From a young age, we're all brainwashed by fairytales and whatnot that our "soul mate" is out there, and that someday we're going to marry that person and live happily ever after like a princess.

For the suckers who actually believe this, are you aware that the divorce rate in the US is close to 50%?

That being said, how can you believe in things like "love" and "soul mates"?

I know I must sound like a real downer.  I never plan on getting married.  I consider love to be a temporary mental illness.  No, I am not a typical "hopeless romantic" Cancer (seriously, my sign doesn't fit me at all :P).

But even though I don't believe in it, doesn't mean I haven't wondered about it.  I've often wondered about soul mates and the whole "red string of fate" thing.

Like, what happens if the person you're destined to be with dies?  Technically speaking, this should mean that any love you have won't work out, because the person you were destined to be with died.  Any person you end up with instead is destined to be with another person.

Unless, of course, both Person 1 and Person 2's respective soul mates died.  And if this happened, would they be able to find happiness with each other, or would neither be able to find happiness in love?

Or what if the person you're supposed to be with is on the other side of the planet in a country you've never heard of?  Would "fate" make sure they ended up together?  Or would they die without ever knowing each other?

What if you don't meet your soul mate until after you've already married someone else?  Would that give you permission to cheat on your spouse?

Or what if your soul mate is half your age or something?  In that case, would consensual teacher-student scandals be okay?

What about reincarnation?  Are people's souls tied together, surpassing the impermanence of life?  Or are you destined to a new person every time you're reborn?

That being said, if your soul mate dies, will the string reattach to another person who's soul mate has also died?  Will it still remain attached your soul mate's soul?  In that case, will you not find your soul mate in that life (because, you know, he/she is dead) and hopefully will find him/her in the next life?


Like I said, I don't believe in things like love and soul mates.  But sometimes when I think about this, I can't help but wonder if it's true.  I can't help but think about the guy I knew from a long, long time ago, who's name I can't even remember.  Sometimes, to my embarrassment, I'll even squint at my pinky fingers really, really hard in hopes of seeing the red string of fate.  (To no avail, of course.)  Because even though deep down I know these things don't exist, sometimes I can't help but want them to be real.

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Loneliness

Since Ex-BF has left, I've been a total wreck.  True, Ex-BF and I really weren't that close after we broke up.  But I always knew I could talk to him or hang out with him if I needed someone.  Even if he ignored all my calls and emails, if worst came to worse I would just show up on his doorstep ^w^  Now that he's gone I don't have anyone.

Yes, I am ashamed to admit that my only friend was the egocentric idiot who broke up with me on the most important day of the year and ruined my life.  (Confession: I have no social life.  The last time I went out to an event to meet new people was when I was 12 and joined writing club.)

This is for three reasons:
1. Throughout high school I had pretty severe social anxiety, so I never got out much.
2. I don't really know how to make friends.  I hate that there's no real set formula.  It's confusing.  I can totally relate to that anime Boku wa Tomadachi ga Sukinai. 
3. I'm going to college next year, so it seems meaningless to pour countless hours into making new friends when I'll be leaving in less than a year.

In conclusion, I've been incredibly lonely.  Moreover, it's nearly impossible for me to relax.  I'm super high strung 24/7, so Ex-BF's laid back, carefree personality was almost therapeutic.

Therefore, to solve both my loneliness and workaholic-ness, I'm considering getting a couple male rats.

Two because I heard rats are better off in pairs.  They're supposedly friendly, intelligent, easy to care for, and loyal.  Male rats are supposed to be lazier and like to cuddle more, and cuddling totally helps me to relax!  Oh yeah, and you can teach them tricks.  Basically they're described as a low-maintenance dog.

The problem: a lot of the colleges I'm applying to don't allow pets of any kind.  Which totally sucks; I highly believe that having a pet would better help me adjust to the whole college thing.  But unless I get accepted at a college that allows pets and decide that I most definitely want to go there, no questions asked, I guess I won't be getting rats anytime in the near future.

Grrr...stupid rules!  Colleges treat you like a little kid.  You can't have pets.  You have to take all these stupid gen. ed. requirements to graduate.  You have to live on campus.  Now that I'm 18, I assumed I could make my own decisions.  But apparently not...I just moved from having my parents control my life to having the college control my life.  It irritates me!

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My Fatal Flaw

I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I recently changed my screen name to Kiyatora.  (This roughly translates into "spirit of the night tiger.")  Anyway, you might be wondering why I randomly changed my username.

Well, a month or so ago I googled my previous screen name just to see what came up.  Apparently 3,760 results: bands, Youtube videos...the most noticeable one was the blog name of a digital artist (not me, btw).  I wasn't even listed anywhere on the first three pages.  And here I thought my screen name was so original...seriously, I spent a really long time trying to brainstorm that name!

On the other hand, when I googled my rival's username that she uses for, well, EVERYTHING, guess how many results there were?  87,200 results.  But they were all from her.

Well, at least all the results of the first 5 pages were.  I didn't get any further than that because at that point I got super irritated and thought, "Bah, how DARE my arch rival be more creative than me!?!?!?"

For the 13,000,000th time I thought to myself, "Seriously, does she do these things on purpose?  Yeah, she acts all ignorant and innocent and cute...but...IT'S GOT TO BE AN ACT!!!!!!  Obviously she's just trying to get me to lower my guard!  Bah, she's totally trying to steal my boyfriend!!!!"  <--(Has temporarily forgotten that Ex-BF and I are no longer going out.  Am also ignorant to the fact that she does not know my username.)  At this point I picture Rival chuckling evilly.  "Well, I'll show her!  Whatever she can do, I can do better!"

Hence I spent over a month trying to come up with a name that was more original than hers.

One of the reasons it took me so long was because every time I tried to think of something, I was suddenly overwhelmed with self doubt.  The more I thought about it, the more unlikely my original theory seemed.  Maybe she wasn't even trying to beat me.  There's nothing worse than trying super hard to outdo your rival, only to have that person outdo you without even trying.

This thought caused severe self doubt in not only my creativity but my entire worth as a human being.  Apparently Rival has something that I do not, because Ex-BF likes her more than me, based upon the fact that he was sleeping with her behind my back.  Unfortunately, I have no idea what that something is.  I began to wonder if it was impossible to gain whatever it was that she has.  So then I'd end up in the corner curled in the fetal position, contemplating my worthlessness.

After a few weeks, I eventually thought, "Bah, I refuse to accept that I can't outdo her!  Anything can be accomplished with enough hard work!  Yes, even if I can't win Ex-BF, I shall win the wonderful game of life!  When I'm super successful someday and admired by everyone, she shall grovel at my feet!  She shall beg for me to honor her with small tasks, such as bringing me my coffee or doing whatever other menial task I assign her!  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

I then picture Rival grovelling at my feet sometime in the near future.  For a visual representation, please see 5:40 - 6:09 in the following video.

Yes, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit how far I'll go to outdo someone.  If I was a character in a Greek mythology, competition would probably be the fatal flaw that led to my untimely demise.

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Application COMPLETE!

I've been working on essays and application stuff since right after I finished my previous post.  And I am happy to say that I am finally DONE!!!!!  I submitted my application at 11:35PM.

Go on, please compliment me.  Flourish me with your flattery.  Shower me in your undying admiration.  Moreover, if you're from the Willamette admissions office, please admit me ^w^

Lol, I feel pretty proud of myself right now.  I honestly wasn't sure whether or not I'd be able to get it done.  After I finished my previous post, I was considering settling to apply for Willamette's Early Action II instead.  Then I thought, "Bah, I don't settle!  I refuse to settle for anything!"  That was actually what motivated me to get everything done, haha.

Man, I know it's only been a few hours, but it feels like I've spent an eternity working on those essays.  The first one (about my gap year, it's required that you put something down for that) was mostly done, but needed to be tweaked a little.  I also needed to come up with a conclusion.  My regular college essay was a mess.  I had no intro or concluding paragraph and was digressing and jumping all over the place, so no surprise that it was almost 800 words -_-"  I had to rewrite the entire thing.  I only kept maybe 7 sentences from the original essay.

Around 9:30PM I was mostly done, but I just couldn't stop reading the essays.  Was I sure there were no gramatical errors?  There was no time to show it to anyone.  Besides, it was kind of personal.  Then I thought, "OMG what if my essay really sucks!?  Maybe this was a bad idea.  Maybe I should have chosen a different topic altogether!"  But there wasn't any time for that, so I decided that because the subject might actually suck, it was all the more important that the grammar was correct, the essay flowed nicely, and the conclusion was super powerful and earth-shattering!  Despite spending another hour trying to achieve that, I only changed a couple of things.

I'm actually still a little worried about my essay.  I chose the "significant experience" prompt.  My essay topic was on the very thin line of "sob story" and "success story," which was why it took me so long to write.  Every word I chose could push my essay in one direction or the other, so I really had to be careful what I wrote.  I'm hoping that my college essay has the triumphant feel I was aiming for and not a "admit me because you pity me" vibe.  (There's nothing worse than being pitied.)  And if a college doesn't admit me based on my essay, goddamn it it's my significant experience and who are they to say what is and isn't significant!?  That's right, go f#$% yourself!  (I'm trying to boost my confidence in my essay.)

Anyway, after spending an hour obsessing over my essay, I spent the next hour obsessing over my college application.  I'm not sure if anyone else has this, but I get really nervous before submitting my application.  For instance, I'm legally swearing that everything is true.  What if I accidently messed up on something?  That means *eep!* my admission could be revoked!  And after I submit it to one college, I have to submit it to them all because I can't change anything, which only intensifies the above fear.  And then I'm scared that I'll submit the wrong thing.  Like, what if I attach my evil squirrel story instead of my college essay?  So because of the above fears, I keep obsessively clicking on the "Print Preview" button.  And after a while I know everything's correct and stuff, but I can't stop thinking, "What if it's not?"  In conclusion, I changed two things and spent the rest of the hour clicking "Print Preview."    -_-"

But hey, now I'm DONE!  That's right, no more college stuff!  Okay, okay, I still have my supplemental essays to write.  And I still have to complete the applications for colleges that don't use the Common App.  But the hardest part is over now :)  My regular college essays are done.  As for the colleges who don't use the Common App, I can just copy my information from the Common App onto their personal application.  Trust me, after spending an hour staring at that thing like my life depending on it, I'm fairly certain there's no mistakes.

I'm totally basking in my self-glory ^^  Man, this is so much better than the failure feeling I got when I submitted my first application last year.  I may procrastinate, but I do know how to get things done :)  I think I deserve kudos for this!  Scratch that; I think this is worthy of admission to Willamette!  Haha...wish me luck!

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A Lack of Motivation

Today I'm experiencing a complete lack of motivation.

Unfortunately, today is really the worst day possible for a lack of motivation, since my college application is due today and I still have to finish writing my essay -_-"

Good news: I already have the rough draft done.
Bad news: It seriously needs to be polished.  As in the tone needs to be more consistent.  And I need to decrease the amount of words since it's over the 500 word limit.  And I need to come up with a killer concluding paragraph.  Yeah...basically I more or less need to rewrite the entire thing.

The problem is, I can't motivate myself to do so.  Which is kind of a pain, since it's due tonight and I need to submit it ASAP.  *Sigh*  I just know I'm going to be totally stressed if I don't start doing this right now.  Despite this, I still can't motivate myself.

Yes, you have my permission to call me lazy right now.

See, I've been meaning to write my essay all day.  But then I got distracted by vocaloid videos on Youtube.  And then I decided to eat some Halloween candy, which, me being lactose intolerant, made me feel sick.  By the time I was feeling better, I realized the time and was all, "Shit!  I have a Skype college interview in an hour and I'm in my night clothes and haven't even taken a shower yet!"  Then I just managed to be on time for my interview (which went very well, btw).

My interview ended at 2:30PM.  So do you know what I've been doing for the past 2 hours?

Thinking about how I should be writing my essay -_-"

The thing is, if I had spent the past 2 hours writing my essay instead of thinking about writing it, I'd probably be done by now.  (The irony.)

So here I sit, updating my blog, while mentally trying to motivate myself to write my essay.  I've tried numerous approaches, all of which have failed:
Bribing: If you write your essay, you can play WoW.  (But then I just have an urge to play WoW instead of writing my essay.)
Reasoning: If you don't start writing your essay right now, you're going to feel really stressed later.
Threatening: Write your essay right now or else you shall face eternal shame!  (Actually this doesn't make much sense, but somehow it's working better than the previous two.)

Anyway, here's a vocaloid video that totally demonstrates how I'm feeling right now.  Oddly enough this is motivating me more than any of the above approaches.  Hopefully everything works out for me, too :)

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