Happy Halloween 2012!!!!!!!!

Let's face it, now that I'm 18 I might not have many trick-or-treating nights left.  That's why my costumes matter more than ever for these next few years!  I've been working really, really hard on my Halloween costume for the past few weeks.  Haha, I finished just in time...I was actually putting the final pieces together earlier today :)

 

 

 

Me as Red Pyramid Head!  (Silent Hill 2 version)

Okay, so the pyramid head might seem a bit too large for my body.  But all in all I think I did a pretty decent job, everything considered.  I mean, I totally winged this!  No pattern or anything :)  I made this out of a couple of giant cardboard boxes.  I put a helmet in the head to give it a bit of a boost, so it didn't look like my body was being swallowed up so much.  After a failed attempt with plaster cloth, I cut two identical swords, glued some wood in between them, and duct taped them together.  Then I spray painted everything!  The apron was made out of an old white tee shirt.  I stained it with black tea to give it the stained, off white appearance.  

You can't see it that well in the picture, but there's actually little blood droplets on the edge of the sword.  Also, please note that I went out in brown loafers, not just socks.

I think I did a pretty good job, don't you?

However, in retrospect it might have been a good idea to make a bigger hole to see out of -_-"  My parents kept saying, "Uh...how are you going to see with that on your head?  You should make two holes, or at least make that hole bigger."  But I was all, "That's NOT the way it works!  I'm Pyramid Head and Pyramid Head doesn't have two holes!  He only has a very tiny hole that a tube like thing comes out of, so if I make the hole bigger it might be too big!"

So in the end my mom ended up having to grab my arm and drag me around trick-or-treating.  Because, you know, I couldn't see -_-"  Do you know how unbalanced and anxious you get after a while, when you're in a cardboard box, and shadows are dancing in the inside of the box, and you can only see darkness out of the one small hole of the box?  It can be pretty bad.  By the time I got home I was dizzy and felt like I was going to collapse with exhaustion.

However, that also might have had something to do with my medication wearing off.  Yeah, apparently the doctor decided to try me on something else.  This was my first day on it, btw.  When it wears off I get super tired.  Imagine that you just ate an entire bag of candy and drank an entire pot of espresso.  Now imagine the crash you would experience if you did that.  That's what it's like.  The doctor encouraged me to experiment with the dosage and especially try lower doses since I'm so uber sensitive to medicine, so tomorrow I plan on splitting the pill in half and seeing how that works.  Maybe I'm just taking too much?

Anyway, I love dressing up!  When I was younger Halloween was more like, "Just give me candy!"  But now that I'm older, I actually care slightly more about my costume than free candy, as shocking as that may sound.  Every year I try to come up with something super original.  I think this year definitely tops!  :)

Halloween Throughout the Ages
2008: Vulcan hippie
2009: Vampire witch
2010: Pirate masquerader
2011: Sleepwalker
2012: Red Pyramid Head

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No More Drawings?

I know I just wrote a post a few months ago about how I would be drawing pictures on my blog.  You're probably wondering why I haven't done any posts this month that contained new drawings.

Don't worry, I have not forgotten!  The truth is my gel pen (that's what I use to make the outlines so dark) stopped working.  This prompted me to buy the Copic multiliners I've been lusting after for months.  Unfortunately, in order to get them on Amazon I first had to get my debit card, which took FOR-EV-ER to come in the mail because the bank messed up the order -_-"

Long story short, my Copic multiliners just came in today, so I'll (hopefully!) be able to draw more pictures from now on ^^

Please don't expect any by the end of the month, though.  I'm super busy trying to finish my Halloween costume and my college essays.  I'm actually trying to weigh between Halloween and college applications right now, because realistically speaking I might not be able to finish both in time.  So...essays or costume?  Halloween or college apps?  An early admission decision or free candy?

I think Halloween's going to win this one, lol.  Can't beat free candy ;)

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Fear

Alright, who hasn't experienced fear?  I'm assuming everyone reading this has indeed experienced it at one time or another.

Right now I feel very fearful, actually.  I'm like on fear overload.


My List of Uber Giant Worries

- The ACT is tomorrow.  Yes, even though I've taken it 2 times before, I'm scared.  How's that for lame?  -_-"

- My EEG scan is on Tuesday.  They explained the procedure to me, which put me at ease at first...then I realized that they said, "turn off the lights."  So does that mean I'm going to be in the pitch dark?  Nnngh, I don't want to be in the dark!  >_<  Furthermore my psychiatrist is having me take this EEG in the first place to test for mini seizures.  That alone is pretty scary.  I mean, he says it's pretty rare and it's just a standard test he does, but still...so now I'm worried that I might be having mini seizures.

- My application is due November 1st.  I still haven't written my essay.  In fact, I'm still not quite sure what to write about -_-"

- I had a nightmare that I missed Halloween.  That's right, I was so busy with college stuff that I didn't have to time to finish my costume.  And since my costume isn't finished yet, missing Halloween has actually become a very real fear...

- Since I'm applying Early Admission for a lot of colleges, I'll be getting my decisions soon.  Like around December.  Willamette University is one of my top colleges this year, so I'm really worried about not getting in.  To be quite honest I thought it was kind of a long shot anyway, but then they sent me their Leadership Application.  As in, they sent me about three emails concerning it and also one letter via snail mail.  Obviously I was totally thrilled that one of my top colleges took a special interest in me!  They inviting me to fill out this uber special application with tons of benefits, and wrote me a personal letter saying that they think I have "outstanding potential and would be a great asset to the Willimette community."  So assuming that they're going to such lengths, that means I'm pretty likely to get in, right?  On the other hand, I'm scared of getting my hopes up only to have them reject me.  So even though getting this super special treatment should have made me feel more confident, now I'm even more scared than ever of getting rejected!



I can't stop thinking about all these things, so now I can't sleep -_-"  Which sucks, because I have to wake up early for the ACT tomorrow.  I'm actually waiting for the aspirin to kick in right now (aspirin works like a sleeping pill for me).  The usual two weren't working so I took three.  At which point I became terrified that I might die or something.  So I looked it up online and it turns out that it's not a big deal.  Haha...well, at least that's one less thing to worry about :)

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College Confidential: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

So I was doing a Google search just now and found a blog post titled "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of College Confidential."  (You can read it here.)

After reading the post, it occurred to me that I too haven't posted in a while on College Confidential.  Which is kind of funny, really; I was addicted to it senior year.  After I got rejected from Wellesley EE, I stopped posting almost entirely.

Anyway, reading Admissions_Daniel's post about College Confidential inspired me to write my own good, bad, and ugly post about CC.  So here it is!

The Good
I will admit it, College Confidential is a great place to meet like minded people.  If you want to connect with people who might be your future classmates, or share your interest in a certain college, or stress together about the ACT (which can actually make it less stressful) then this is your place to go.  It can also be great if you want student's opinions on a college (just remember to take everything with a shovelful of salt, lol).

College Confidential is like the Facebook for stressed out, prospective high school valedictorians who are too busy studying to use Facebook, lol.


The Bad
Let's face it: everyone on College Confidential is a super genius valedictorian.  Those who aren't are lying about it and pretending they are (unless, of course, they wanted to experience the grief I did on a regular basis...please see "The Ugly.")

Everyone takes at least 6 APs throughout high school.  Everyone has at least a 3.6 GPA.  People say things like "OMG I only got a 34 on the ACT and now my life is over."  They also have 500+ hours of volunteer experience, are AP scholars, typically have at least three leadership positions, and are also part of around five different clubs.  Oh yeah, and let's not forget about all that work experience, internships, and ground breaking research they all did.  And the numerous awards.  Did I mention those?

In fact, I'm currently looking at a post right now titled "What's currently your lowest grade?"  People on here are putting things between the B+ and A- range.  Someone is fretting about the 90% he/she is currently making in a class.  Another person is "really worried" about the 94% he/she is currently receiving in history.

Yeah..am I the only one seeing a problem with this?  Seriously, dude, I would kill someone, sell all my possessions, and move to the middle of the desert if it got me 94% in all my classes.

Point is, College Confidential can be a real self-esteem crusher, especially when you realize that you are competing with these people at admission into a top college.  This leads me to...


The Ugly
Did I say College Confidential can crush your self-esteem?  Well, that's definitely the understatement of the year.  Because you see, if you have anything less than a 3.6 UW GPA on College Confidential, YOU ARE AN IDIOT.  You probably have a learning disability.  It will be a complete miracle if you get accepted at any college.  And yes, people will actually tell you these things.

I am serious, on College Confidential people can be stuck up to just plain insulting.  And these people are definitely the majority.  Sometimes you honestly wonder if some of these people are just trying to crush their competition.

My God, you would be shocked to know the kind of comments I got on things.  People would call me an idiot for even trying for some of my colleges.  One person said that due to the lack of my AP classes I lacked motivation and was afraid of hard work (which I found incredibly insulting; I may not have taken 5 APs each semester, but I typically spent at least 10-12 hours studying and doing homework every freaking day.)

Are you aware that there was once an entire thread on how stupid "college prep" kids were?  I believe the OP said something like, "I know this sounds mean, but don't you think the kids at your school who take only college prep courses are kind of stupid?"  Seriously, there was an entire thread about this.  I think one or two people may have disagreed with the OP, but the overwhelming majority agreed with him.  I'm unaware if this thread still exists, but even if it doesn't I can almost guarantee that you could find something incredibly similar.

In conclusion, there is an overwhelming amount of stuck-up snobs who would like nothing more than to insult you nonstop if you give them the chance.

In all due fairness, I sometimes wonder if the people on CC are really as smart as they say.  Trust me, if I had known the grief people would give me for my test scores and GPA, I never would have admitted to them.  This leads me to wonder if people are actually "in the closet" when it comes to academics, resorting to lying about their GPA and test scores to avoid being picked on.

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Here We Go Again -_-"

It's that time of the year again.  You know, that horrible time of the year when we're all driven by terror.  No, it's not Halloween.

Welcome again, everyone, to...THE COLLEGE APPLICATION SEASON *da da DUM*.

I thought things would be easier this year.  Yes, and no.  I decided to apply Early Admission (non-binding) to a lot of my colleges.  Also, I'm applying to 19 colleges as to avoid what happened last time.

Upside: I have increased chances of getting in to a good college.  Also, I'll find out whether or not I got accepted by December-February for a quite a few ^^

Downside: I have so many things to do I feel like I'm loosing my mind.

Please click for a larger image.

So in conclusion, I don't get ANYTHING done because I'm too busy thinking of all the things that NEED to be done.  Like I already have problems focusing, you know?  Now I really can't think!

Also, based on Ex-BF's encouragement, I decided to apply to Chapman University's studio art program.  Which requires an art portfolio.  And...oh yeah...I can't draw -_-"  Seriously, I have no idea why I'm even putting myself through this.  I'm always saying how art is probably the most useless major under the sun.  Now I'm applying to double major in philosophy and studio art.  I am currently questioning my sanity.

I guess it's just the difference between passion and practicality.  I've spent so long trying to impress everyone that it feels like I've lost sight of what I want.  Drawing is something I loved but stopped doing in high school due to academic responsibilities.  Now I kinda feel like, "F*** you, colleges!  I spent years trying to impress you guys, and you rejected me?"  Which makes makes me want to pursue something meaningless that I enjoy instead of something practical that will impress future employers.  Unfortunately, majoring in something like art is likely to not be the best decision in the long run, so it seems like a good idea to double major.

Philosophy currently seems like a good idea because (1) it seems like it would compliment art well, and (2) it opens up numerous doors for graduate school (such as business, law, etc.)

So, if I majored in both philosophy and art, I could not only pursue something I love but I could also go to law school and be a lawyer.  Which is AWE-SOME :)  Lawyers are prestigious and make lots of mullah.  Oh yeah, and they're powerful.  To me, that seems like a great reason to choose any job, lol.

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If I Was in Harry Potter

When I was 13, I was a huge Harry Potter fan.  I've often wondered what type of person I would be if I was a character in the magical world of Hogwarts.  So today I decided to take a quiz to find out.

Personally I always thought I'd be in Ravenclaw.  But no.  After taking a few psychological tests, the houses I scored highest in were actually Gryffindor and Slytherin, which I actually tied for -_-"

I got Gryffindor because I'm impulsive, stubborn, and prideful.  Then I read why I tied for Slytherin.  And, as much as I hate to admit it, Slytherin actually probably fits me better.  According to the quiz, Slytherins are determined, cunning, ambitious, passive-aggressive, and constantly driven to succeed.

This has somewhat changed my view of what I would be like if I was a character in Harry Potter.

So, if I was a character at Hogwarts, I guess I'd be part of Slytherin then.  Because I'm so driven by grades and such, I'd most definitely be Hermione's rival and top competitor.  In real life I feel even more of a drive to succeed because I'm first gen, so if I was in Harry Potter that might translate into being a Muggle born/halfblood.  Which, if anything, would make me feel a bit disconnected from my house.  Because we shared a common bond, it's probable that Hermione and I might become friendly rivals after a while.  I'd also try to make "connections" outside of my house that I might see as being beneficial in the long run.  I'd definitely be one of those characters that is often distrusted by everyone because no one knows what side I'm really on.

Oh yeah, and I'd also probably be having one of those scandalous teacher-student relationships with Professor Snape.  Because he's quite good looking and has always been my favorite character :)

OMG look at DAT FACE!!!!!

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Kickass Moms with Guns!

Today I was very depressed because it was Ex-BF's birthday.  It makes me miss him more...mainly because I can't help but think about him.  So after work today, in hopes of cheering myself up, I went to the theater to see Frankenweenie and Resident Evil: Retribution (both in 3D!)

- Frankenweenie wasn't as good as I expected.  (Also, there were no 3D moments at all, meaning I paid an extra $3 for NOTHING!)  I really had high expectations for this movie.  Tim Burton, if you are reading this, please know I am a HUGE fan of yours.  I have watched almost all your movies and some of them are even my favorite movies of all time.  That being said, I know you could have done better on this movie.

- Resident Evil: Retribution had everything Frankenweenie was lacking: action, explosions, fire, guns, 3D moments, martial arts, movie didn't seem to drag so much, did I mention fire and explosives?  Yep, the new Resident Evil movie had it all...except for good acting, good casting, and an actual plot.

Okay, maybe it's because I've never seen a Resident Evil movie before.  Maybe it was because it was a sequel to a previous Resident Evil film.  Or perhaps my negative opinion is due to the fact that I went mainly to see Leon (because he is totally HOT!) and the actor playing Leon looked nothing like him, which I found incredibly disappointing.  (Seriously, I have seen better amateur cosplay than the actor playing Leon.)

Whatever the case, I wasn't impressed.

First off, the entire 95 minute movie consisted of them trying to get out of the Umbrella corporation headquarters.  So basically, THERE WAS NO PLOT.  I kept expecting them to get out of Umbrella and was sure the movie would get to the point soon, but no...the entire movie consisted of "let's get out of Umbrella headquarters while shooting as many zombies as possible."  In fact, it was a lot like watching a video game with levels.  Okay, we just got through a simulation of New York.  Onwards to Moscow, with new, more tougher zombies to defeat!

And the acting, especially in some parts, was simply terrible.  It was such terrible, over-the-top acting in some parts that it was actually comparable to the original Twilight movie (I can't speak for the rest of the Twilight films as I haven't seen them.)

Moreover, what is with bad ass women in movies suddenly becoming moms?

LOL, that may seem pretty random, but this the second bloody action film I've seen in the past year with that scenario.  First there was Underworld: Awakening.  Then there was Resident Evil: Retribution.  Personally I find it kind of ridiculous.  In a bloody, nonstop action film, there is little room for loving mother-daughter relationships.  I'm sure the people making these films probably meant well, but because of the genre of the film, instead of illustrating a mother and daughter bonding, it's kind of like:

Although I do have to admit that Underworld did a considerably better job at pulling this off compared to Resident Evil.

Selene: Whoa, this girl is apparently my daughter and it's...kind of weird.
However, I can't leave a child here!
*Later on in film*
Even though I feel very little affection for my daughter, I must rescue her as she is our only hope of survival!

Alice: It looks like this girl is the supposed daughter of my alternate reality clone.
Hmmm, she thinks I'm her mom...
OMG I AM TOUCHED BY THIS!
OBVIOUSLY I AM HER MOTHER AND SHALL PROTECT HER WITH MY LIFE!!!!!

Uh, yeah...you see the problem with this, right?  Suddenly Alice meets a little girl who thinks Alice is her mother.  Then suddenly Alice decides to risk everything to protect this young girl.  And right after they meet, the suddenly share this mother-daughter bond that formed INSTANTLY even though Alice has never met her before.  Can you say weird?

Also, apparently Alice can speak sign language.  Not sure if this was mentioned in any previous films as I haven't seen them, but it seems rather unlikely.  So I'm assuming she instantly learned sign language...which probably happened about the same time that she formed an instant bond with her clone's daughter.

As for the daughter, she's either in total shock or really stupid.  Seriously, she's deaf, not blind.  Her mother (Alice's clone) had blond hair.  Alice has black hair.  Her mother looked like, well, a mom.  Alice is wearing a kick ass leather suit and is carrying around a machine gun.  Also Alice knows karate and is a zombie killer.  Apparently Becky has some memories of her mother...enough where she should know that Alice is very obviously not her mom.

In all fairness, Resident Evil: Retribution was awesome if you want to see bullets, rockets, axes, blades, and blood come flying at you in 3D.  If you're looking for something with good acting or a plot, then look elsewhere.  Underworld had a better plot than this, and that's sad.  And if, like me, you're going merely to see Leon S. Kennedy, you should probably go see something else.

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Hidden Meanings in Songs

Last night I was watching some old music videos on Youtube and remembered some crazy things I've heard about hidden meanings in songs.

For instance, I've heard that "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" was intentionally given that name because it's actually an acronym for LSD.  Yep, apparently the Beatles were purposely advertising that they were high on LSD when they wrote that song.  As if it wasn't obvious enough based on the lyrics -_-"

And then there's "Turning Japanese," which is actually supposed to be about masturbation.  No idea where that one came from.  It seems like a pretty random, meaningless song to me.

Personally, I think these theories are a bunch of BS.  People just like to try to find connections between things, whether or not those connections actually exist.  I mean, let's look at this from a logical standpoint.  Majority of bands from back then were totally high when they wrote songs.  Has anyone ever thought that maybe these songs have absolutely no meaning whatsoever and are just the result of powerful psychedelic drugs?

Of course, there are songs that really do have pretty explicit meanings.  How come no one talks about these songs?  Like "California Gurls."   I mean, based on the context and the explicit hand gestures I saw on the music awards, "melt your popsicle" really only has one meaning.

That vocaloid song "Never!" also comes to mind.  I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure "natto" has a sexual meaning there.

And let's not forget "She Sings the Mourning" by the Coral.  "Sister certain, wrapped in rags."  "...temptress eyes, cuts right through the family ties."  "Salem's sight invites incest."  This is very obviously about incest.  I mean, it says it in the song.  You can't get more obvious than that.

Not like I think anything's wrong with incest.  As long as it's consensual and stuff it really doesn't bother me.  HARU X SORA 4EVER!!!!!!!!!  lol.  But seriously, I don't see a problem with it.  I say as long as no one's getting hurt, it's none of my business what you're doing behind closed doors.

Oh, by the way, since we're talking about it now, who's you're favorite anime couple?  Please put in comments :)

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Darkrooms are Romantic?

So I was watching Parenthood tonight because I wanted to spend some time with my mom and little sister (they're big fans of the show).

I saw the preview for next week's episode, and Sarah is apparently going to kiss the weird photographer guy.  (Big surprise there...I believe Sarah has made out with every male on the TV show who is not directly related to her.)

Anyway, it struck me as odd because they kiss in a darkroom.  You know, where you develop photos?  And to be quite honest, I've never really thought of darkrooms as romantic.  If anything I've always thought darkrooms were a little bit creepy.

To me, a darkroom kind of resembles the torture chamber of a mad scientist.  It's not exactly on my list of Top Places for Romantic Moments.  I'm assuming some people find darkrooms romantic, but if someone tried to kiss me in a darkroom, I'd inadvertently read it as, "Whoa, this place looks like a mad scientist's torture chamber and it's totally turning me on!  Let's make out!"  And that would really creep me out.

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I Don't "Do" Sadness

I'm terrible at dealing with sadness.

Hmmm, perhaps I should rephrase that.  Thing is, I don't "do" sadness.  My idea of dealing with sadness is:

Sometimes it feels like my entire life is a lie.

Last night I woke up at 5AM and just started to cry.  I always act like I have it together, but the truth is I can't deal with change or loss or sadness at all.  And I can't deal with this.  Ex-BF was one of the few things in my life that felt really stable, which is ironic, considering how rocky our relationship always was.  But I always felt that no matter what happened, he'd definitely be there.  And now he's just not, you know?  When I drive by it's an empty house.  It's going to be redone soon; a few months from now it probably won't even be recognizable.


*Pause* You know, back when I was younger, I always thought I'd have the perfect life someday.  That anything could be achieved if I tried really, really hard.  A few years ago I actually did a time capsule thing, where I wrote a letter for my future self to read.  Last month I read it.  It was quite depressing, because nothing I wanted to happen came true.  By now I was supposed to be engaged to Ex-BF and going to a prestigious college.  Funny how all that turned out.


To be quite honest I always thought Ex-BF and I would get back together someday.  And now he's just...gone.  It makes everything seem so final.  Which makes me feel depressed.

Haha, sorry if this seems like a depressing post today.  Even I can't be happy all the time.

Truth is, since I don't do sadness, I take it really hard.  Here's a step-by-step process of how I go through the grieving process:

How I "Don't Do" Sadness
Stage 1: Pity
Spend the first few days pitying myself and crying on and off.  Become irritated that I won't stop crying.  Pity myself for crying.  Finally decide to clean myself up and go out, because no matter what happens I refuse to cry in public in fear of ruining my image.  Go out every spare moment that I am not crying.
Stage 2: Denial
Keeping up my so-called image goes to my head.  Decide that if I continue to act happy, my sadness shall magically wither up and die.  Continually deny that there is a problem.  This stage lasts from anywhere between a couple of days to a week.
Stage 3: Workaholic-ism
Denying my sadness makes me feel more sad.  Decide I must do something immediately to get my mind off of my problems.  Spend every waking moment (and I do mean EVERY waking moment) doing something: a project, homework, studying for a test, anything.  For the first few days occasionally skip meals and showers as I do not want to give myself any chance to cry or pity myself.  Continue working nonstop until I achieve a big goal.
Stage 4: Having Fun
My achievement goes to my head.  Silently compliment my geniusness and decide to reward myself by doing something fun.  Continue being a workaholic (since I'm naturally one anyway), but take time to reward myself with fun activities.  One day a fun activity randomly reminds me of my problem.  Go back to Stage 1 and go through the 4 stages again.
Stage 5: Numbness
After going through the previous 4 stages numerous times, eventually go on to Stage 5.  When a fun activity reminds me of my problem, I feel nothing at all except this kind of numbness.  Wonder why I feel nothing and silently question if I am still human.  Come to the conclusion that I would rather feel nothing than be drowning in my own tears and snot.

Typically it's a pretty long process that lasts about 3-6 months.  Yeah, I take it pretty hard.  Thankfully I don't feel sad that often, although these past couple of years have been hell.  First Ex-BF breaks up with me on the most important day of the year, then I get rejected from all the colleges I wanted to go to, then Ex-BF moves.  I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown right now.

Bad things happen in threes, so let's hope it's uphill from here, okay?  Fingers crossed!

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