Kickass Moms with Guns!

Today I was very depressed because it was Ex-BF's birthday.  It makes me miss him more...mainly because I can't help but think about him.  So after work today, in hopes of cheering myself up, I went to the theater to see Frankenweenie and Resident Evil: Retribution (both in 3D!)

- Frankenweenie wasn't as good as I expected.  (Also, there were no 3D moments at all, meaning I paid an extra $3 for NOTHING!)  I really had high expectations for this movie.  Tim Burton, if you are reading this, please know I am a HUGE fan of yours.  I have watched almost all your movies and some of them are even my favorite movies of all time.  That being said, I know you could have done better on this movie.

- Resident Evil: Retribution had everything Frankenweenie was lacking: action, explosions, fire, guns, 3D moments, martial arts, movie didn't seem to drag so much, did I mention fire and explosives?  Yep, the new Resident Evil movie had it all...except for good acting, good casting, and an actual plot.

Okay, maybe it's because I've never seen a Resident Evil movie before.  Maybe it was because it was a sequel to a previous Resident Evil film.  Or perhaps my negative opinion is due to the fact that I went mainly to see Leon (because he is totally HOT!) and the actor playing Leon looked nothing like him, which I found incredibly disappointing.  (Seriously, I have seen better amateur cosplay than the actor playing Leon.)

Whatever the case, I wasn't impressed.

First off, the entire 95 minute movie consisted of them trying to get out of the Umbrella corporation headquarters.  So basically, THERE WAS NO PLOT.  I kept expecting them to get out of Umbrella and was sure the movie would get to the point soon, but no...the entire movie consisted of "let's get out of Umbrella headquarters while shooting as many zombies as possible."  In fact, it was a lot like watching a video game with levels.  Okay, we just got through a simulation of New York.  Onwards to Moscow, with new, more tougher zombies to defeat!

And the acting, especially in some parts, was simply terrible.  It was such terrible, over-the-top acting in some parts that it was actually comparable to the original Twilight movie (I can't speak for the rest of the Twilight films as I haven't seen them.)

Moreover, what is with bad ass women in movies suddenly becoming moms?

LOL, that may seem pretty random, but this the second bloody action film I've seen in the past year with that scenario.  First there was Underworld: Awakening.  Then there was Resident Evil: Retribution.  Personally I find it kind of ridiculous.  In a bloody, nonstop action film, there is little room for loving mother-daughter relationships.  I'm sure the people making these films probably meant well, but because of the genre of the film, instead of illustrating a mother and daughter bonding, it's kind of like:

Although I do have to admit that Underworld did a considerably better job at pulling this off compared to Resident Evil.

Selene: Whoa, this girl is apparently my daughter and it's...kind of weird.
However, I can't leave a child here!
*Later on in film*
Even though I feel very little affection for my daughter, I must rescue her as she is our only hope of survival!

Alice: It looks like this girl is the supposed daughter of my alternate reality clone.
Hmmm, she thinks I'm her mom...
OMG I AM TOUCHED BY THIS!
OBVIOUSLY I AM HER MOTHER AND SHALL PROTECT HER WITH MY LIFE!!!!!

Uh, yeah...you see the problem with this, right?  Suddenly Alice meets a little girl who thinks Alice is her mother.  Then suddenly Alice decides to risk everything to protect this young girl.  And right after they meet, the suddenly share this mother-daughter bond that formed INSTANTLY even though Alice has never met her before.  Can you say weird?

Also, apparently Alice can speak sign language.  Not sure if this was mentioned in any previous films as I haven't seen them, but it seems rather unlikely.  So I'm assuming she instantly learned sign language...which probably happened about the same time that she formed an instant bond with her clone's daughter.

As for the daughter, she's either in total shock or really stupid.  Seriously, she's deaf, not blind.  Her mother (Alice's clone) had blond hair.  Alice has black hair.  Her mother looked like, well, a mom.  Alice is wearing a kick ass leather suit and is carrying around a machine gun.  Also Alice knows karate and is a zombie killer.  Apparently Becky has some memories of her mother...enough where she should know that Alice is very obviously not her mom.

In all fairness, Resident Evil: Retribution was awesome if you want to see bullets, rockets, axes, blades, and blood come flying at you in 3D.  If you're looking for something with good acting or a plot, then look elsewhere.  Underworld had a better plot than this, and that's sad.  And if, like me, you're going merely to see Leon S. Kennedy, you should probably go see something else.